i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
