I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
