I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
