I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
