My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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