Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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