I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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