im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
