he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
