I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
