I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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