You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
