I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
