this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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