fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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