i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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