Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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