Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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