i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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