Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
