dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
