Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
