her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
