then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
