Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
