You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
