he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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