Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
