she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize