did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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