she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
