he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
