Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We need to rekindle our bromance
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
