I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Floor bacon is actually really good
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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