Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
