i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
