Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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