Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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