this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
