It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
