First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
