She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
