let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
