she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
