32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
