So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
