I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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