omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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