A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
