there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
