You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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