Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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