I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
