So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
