My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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